Don’t Marry For Goddess Sake!!!!

Do you think Marriage is ‘just’ the consensual union of two persons?

bWell…Not at least in my country! More than this, here, it’s a socially and ritually recognised coming together of two partners which in addition to love also establishes rights and obligations between them, and between them and their In-laws, and not to forget, the relatives!

It’s complicated as majority of us actually like these customs, and go miles to maintain a ‘preset’ social image. The couple remain too busy tending ‘important’ relations that it gives them quite some time off each other. Possibly these potent distractions have contributed to ‘one-life, one-life partner’ concept, prevalent here (you spend less time with each other which is by default the ‘quality’ time 🙂 ). Though, variations do occur but yeah, the expectations are heavier on the side of a ‘SHE’.

It’s rather hilarious that the moment a girl is chosen for the wedding, she is paralleled to Lakshmi (the Goddess of wealth). There’s no harm in that but after all, the girl is compared to a Goddess, and the Goddess is obviously expected to shower bounty of riches in every possible form. Undoubtedly, the Bride-cum-Goddess is lost in a catch-22 situation as it difficult to satisfy the never-ending greed of the pack, and she is soon to run out of the resources. Minus-resources, she longingly looks towards her saviours, ‘her parents’ who are often seen desperate to fill her emptying cache. Receiving such inexhaustible boon, the people live happily ever after…well…not exactly…such people are never happy; the feeling is temporary, soon to fade!

I too am married and have seen plenty of marriages (simple and extravagant; successful and unsuccessful; happy and unhappy) in my culture and a few subcultures as well. Exceptions do occur, mind you! Not everyone is equally ‘insatiable’. I am one fortunate soul but marriage in itself is no less than an adventure from the very beginning!

Lately I got interested in researching the basic philosophy behind this marriage thing (so expect some more such articles 🙂 ), and here is the crux (and I believe many of my own culture people don’t know it!). In our sacred scriptures eight types of marriages are described, out of which ‘Braham Vivah’ is considered the ideal form of marriage between a Boy and a Girl from equal stature families. In this, Boy’s family approaches the girl’s family; No Dowry is involved; and the girl is accepted in two sets of clothes and a few ornaments. (It’s hard to spot these days as no girl wants to have such limited options 😉 ).

Our Shashtra also acknowledges Love marriages as a marriage which does not involve the consent of any of the parents. Interestingly, a marriage would also take place when everyone was ready except for the girl’s parents. (Past people were bolder, I tell you. People today are so confused, they don’t know their own history and keep condemning love marriage for no good reason except for breaking some hearts 😦 ).

None of the eight marriage types revealed anything in particular about the much hyped Dowry from bride’s side however when the Boy is either not of equal stature or is deficient in some nature, it is said that he used to pay the girl’s family (reverse of present day Dowry).

So basically this unnecessary burden of dowry is added later on by some clever minded folks. What else justifies this evil?

One of my colleague said that earlier both the families used to contribute positively in some form so that the newlywed couple could settle their home; it was a kind of help but slowly this became an obligation to be born only by the girl’s family.

Having a son is still considered a privilege by many. This is partly because our system still works on family ties, and the ageing parents still hope to be taken care by the son during the dusk of their life.

Okay fine, I have no problem with that. What I wonder ‘Is it some  of fee that a girl’s parents pay in advance to buy a pass for their daughter to enter your home? And then she is also expected to take care of you more than her own parents!’

Surprisingly a girl manages to do it somehow but don’t you think it’s too mean for an expectation!

(*This post is author’s personal view on the matter and is not targeted at any special person. Day to day observations and ‘the willing’ but ‘confused’ ‘to-be-wed’ people inspired this write-up)

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About Mann

The views expressed here on this blog are Author's personal but obviously inspired from real people.

Posted on December 24, 2016, in Musings and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. In some cultures marriages are all about mergers of families for business…just like in old days it was about bringing countries together. Love sometimes takes a back seat and its not about union of two souls.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Tony… Good morning and merry Christmas. You are right. But who can guarantee an everlasting love in a marriage? Emotions are mutable aren’t they? So may be it’s the stability for long term … that people seek.

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  2. Personally I believe marriage is an outdated, obsolete institution. Why call it a marriage when in the end all it is, is a business – emphasis on busy. There were much better “arrangements” for relationships between men and women in pre-civilization times.

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    • Sometime i do feel marriage is given too much importance…but then I also see the side effects of not being married around. In our culture people work not only for themselves but also for their families and next generations as well. A family never let you die of loneliness….a thing everyone fears. So what I think is… Marriage is actually an investment of your time and emotions which will keep benefitting you time and again,but it has to be a joint account obviously.

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      • As a “veteran” of 3 failed marriages, I feel quite the expert on the subject – just kidding, of course, if I was an “expert” I’d still be in the first one! It’s the “loneliness” thing I like to discuss with people. We are lonely by choice, not by being forced, nor by not having family. I would feel much more lonely within my family if I hadn’t disowned it, than among strangers. I love strangers, there is no history, no judgment, no expectations. Marriage to me is the worst kind of enslavement. Wrong kind of closeness. Here they say, familiarity breeds contempt. I’ve experienced it, and seen it too often to doubt it. Give me strangers any day!

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      • No doubt… Strangers keep you free from many unnecessary burdens but ultimately at the end of the day we all want to come back to someone… Who is waiting and wishing for your arrival! I may sound dependent here but this is how it is….so i don’t think marriage is bad… Its the over expectation and lack of compatibility and trust between the couple. Every relation needs time and attention….
        I always think… Nothing personal…isn’t it insecure to know that anyone can leave anytime? Afterall we are human….

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  3. Vow!! Hope this reaches more people. There is a need in our country that more people understand this. I am more worried as I am not married.

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  4. Quote: “isn’t it insecure to know that anyone can leave anytime?” It would feel much more “insecure” for me if I thought I was keeping someone trapped into my game. Maybe that’s why marriage doesn’t work for me: I don’t want anyone to stay with me because he feels obligated, or “owes” me. To have freedom one must grant total freedom. Conversely, with strangers I make the rules of interaction; I decide “who” “when” “where” and “why.” Since they’re always free to leave, what can they say? I live alone, share my space with friends, and yes, strangers, and then I’m alone again. When I’m alone I don’t have to pretend; I don’t have to watch what I say, or do, and no one takes me for granted. Maybe I’m not human, and that too would be good news. I don’t think earth people are particularly good examples of how one should live one’s life. If marriage was such a great thing, I think that the couples I’ve observed, including my parents, would have done much better. When marriage is a crutch; when it’s entered into from fear of being left alone; of being lonely, or from need for support, that’s a recipe for disaster. Those are just my thoughts, and my experiences.

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  5. I was married off early to ease the burden for my parents. I am suffering to this day because my parents succumbed to society pressures. I was beaten bruised swollen and bleeding, my parents sent me back to go be a good wife and daughter in law. Your writing is awesome. I’m writing too. It’s my own story, I’m finally ready to talk about it.. secretly but ready! -Venya

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is very disheartening to hear such reality. And the truth is that women is still illtreated. I am glad you have recovered from the pain and writing about it will definitely help in healing. You are brave and you can do wonders if you wish for. Have control over your life and know who is important and what is good for you???Wish you happiness. 😊😊😊

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      • I’m not that brave, I’m still with the asshole! I’m still gaining strength slowly but surely and trying to make the most of a terrible situation. I have 2 wonderful kids that I have to think about. I’m not quite recovered but in the process. Writing helps me especially since him and his family have no clue! Read my blog and critique as necessary. I’m blogging in hopes of connecting with others who may need a friend! – venya.

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      • I read the comment from Venya, with sorrow, and I was wondering how I could respond, then I read yours and it says everything I could have said, or wished I could have said. Great response, Mann, and to Venya: you are a brave person, take care o’ you.

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  6. That’s what I could do…because in the end, we all have to fight alone for ourselves…encouraging and loving words lessen some pain.

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