‘I am mature and I am stronger emotionally’, this is what I have been telling myself for years.
How true is this?
I have always been the worst in handling emotions; my tears used to find meagre reasons to spill out. I have been vulnerable; I have been exceptionally weak. Even a slight blow would break my heart into pieces.
Did that affect anybody?
I guess nobody… except me!
So I changed myself or let’s say time changed me.
But have I really overcome those unsung hurricanes arising in the deepest part of me? Have I really become immune to the turbulence that life poses every now and then? Do the mishaps occurring everyday affect me less now?
Most of the time I believe so but why is it that an unfortunate incident or the sorrowful faces involving the loved ones always pull me down to where I started? When there is suffering, I am utterly weak and badly in tears!
However I have gained courage over time to compose myself and get up again to face the truth (however ugly it is) but it does hurt.
So does that mean there’s nothing that can make you woe-proof?
Or is it necessary to become fragile once in a while in order to feel that you are actually ‘alive’ cause no reaction to a situation is definitely, not a ‘sign of life’!
You don’t feel happy always, and likewise, you can’t stay gloomy forever, for these are states of mind in response to the environmental conditions that you face. If you are getting what you need, there’s no point in feeling sad, but what about desires?
Has it ever happened that you own everything a happy person is supposed to have, and still you feel empty inside, as if there’s something missing…something you haven’t achieved till now, and that something constantly keeps disturbing the peace of your mind! How do you deal with this?
Well, I can tell for myself; Monotony is the root cause of mine not-being-happy at times. I hate doing the same things over and over again. Without any scope of novelty, life becomes dull…colourless! And when this dullness crosses the limit, I temporarily lose interest in people and things in general. But fact is, routine life has to run; it’s necessary for survival. Every day, we wake up at a set time, do the same domestic tasks, rush to office, do the same stuff, come back…do the house job…look after our family…sleep…wake up again to the same routine.
These activities have become so natural that we behave less like humans, and more like robots. But again robots have an advantage here; they don’t feel what they do. On the contrary, the side effects of monotony starts showing in our behaviour!
So, when I start making issues out of trivial things; when my arguing becomes pretty frequent, and when I start complaining for treatments I rightfully deserve and don’t receive, I know it’s time for an ‘alteration’ (an addition or a deletion from the routine). This is my way of breaking the ennui. Sometimes I succeed, and at times it doesn’t work, but I keep trying.
What I feel is that mostly the environment around us decides how happy we are! No doubt we all have this inner power to always boost and keep us going but there are times when we are really tired of pushing ourselves, and an external source of inspiration is indispensable, and I think, this is where the role of family and friends comes to play. If we are blessed with loving people, life is easier, and if these people have a tendency of not keeping their love to themselves, I mean they believe in showing it, life becomes ‘interesting’ and ‘exciting’ as well!
Sometime people unknowingly mishandle their relations. Instead of giving love, they start distributing solutions! Do you think ‘Unhappiness’ is a problem to be solved? I don’t think so! According to me, it’s actually a void which needs to be filled. My genuine request to everyone ‘Please show your people some love, and don’t just show that you care by offering free advice…DO CARE, for you don’t know when a few loving words from you can make a big difference in their life! 🙂
In the end, hats off to those people who survive all the ups and downs of life all by themselves; with no one by their side, ever to inspire them or encourage them; they are really made up of something else!
On Sunday, all happy souls on Earth were celebrating the presence of GOD’s Greatest gift in their life; their mothers. And there was I, fighting immense numbness spread to the innermost point of my nerves. Two days back, my family lost its Mother, my ‘Granny’─ my ‘Amma’. She passed away silently leaving everyone in a state of disbelief. After a long period of seeing her like this (ailing), it’s difficult to swallow, her, just not being there.
Has she really gone? I am still not able to make peace with it. To assure myself, I thought of going to her room, in a hope to still see her sitting in her bent posture. I hoped as soon I would open the door, she would raise her head and I would hug her. But I was afraid. Afraid… to see a vacant room. So, I stayed far and chose to go blind on the truth.
This day was sure to come, sooner or later but the way I responded, was bizarre. I consider myself very emotional kind of person but on hearing about her demise, I could hardly cry…I wanted to but tears won’t come out of my eyes. This is scary. Why am I not able to cry aloud? Have I gone through some nervous damage or have I become a robot with no emotions left. I am totally numb, as if nothing of this sort has happened! But truth is, Granny is Gone and I am never going to see her again.
My parents say that soul is immortal and only her body has died. They believe that Amma is still around; she is watching us all through, at least for ten days after leaving the body, her soul will keep wandering around her family and belongings till all the rituals are done to make her after-life journey as comfortable as possible. Then all her past ties will break and she will be free to leave us, for good.
I don’t know, how true is that but while leaving home, I felt a strange emptiness inside as if I have forgotten something. Making a decision to face the reality, I removed my shoes and headed to her room. Gently pushing the door, I searched the entire room. A lamp is lit in the room in her memory and is well guarded and taken care of by her grandsons; my brothers. They never let it go off. Believing she is still there and there won’t be any next time, I said, “Amma! (If you are really somewhere, in here) I could not meet you in the end. I guess it’s time to say Goodbye now. Be at peace. I pray to GOD for showering his love on you and give you a perfect place in his abode. Have a peaceful Journey.
Fare well…Amma…Fare well.
When my mom called to inform about Grandma’s worsening health, I could not help but pack my bags and jump-start a journey home. Although, it’s not happening for the first time; I have done it before, but this time, it seemed intense.
So when I reached home, the very first thing that I wanted to see was the face of the woman, who happened to be my first room-mate in the age of four years when I asked my parents to give me a separate bed; they shifted me to Grandma’s room. More than an elder she became a friend albeit a grumpier one! She loved her all four grandchildren but had a different way with love and I hardly remember any PDA from her side, back then. As we grew teenagers to adults and she, old to older, slowly her affectionate side became evident and she kept getting better and sweeter with age. Yes, she was ageing and today….
“Has the time arrived for her?” I was thinking while moving towards her room. I can’t tell, how badly I want to be with her during her fall of life but wish is wish and for such wish to come true, number of hurdles are already standing tall. All I can do is…be there as often as I can.
This time I was told about her episodes of no talking, wrong recognitions, non-stop sleeping. I was so worried.
As I opened the door, I was kind of taken aback to see the missing bed from her room (It didn’t look like a good sign). I have heard from people that according to Hindu religion, the dying person is kept on ground. However, death is inevitable but my heart refused to accept and I looked to my mom for an answer.
Mom understood and said, “She gets very restless during night. However I am always here but somehow it’s not possible to stay awake all night and a few times, she has fallen off the bed. To avoid injury, we removed the beds and spread mattresses on the floor.”
That looked just. I moved in front of my Granny who was sitting with her head dug almost in her thighs. I tried to be casual, “Hey Oldie! Look who’s here?” I was hoping for an answer and to everyone’s surprise she raised her head and called out my name in a shaky voice! The next words got stuck in my throat when I saw her swollen huge face as if thousands of bees have left their sting there. She could barely open her eyes. I put my arms around her; she appeared so thin and bony.
“You are the first person, she has recognized immediately, in last three days otherwise she behaved very eccentric and talked gibberish. That’s the reason you were called upon without delay,” Mom continued.
I smiled and touched her cheeks, “she is all good!” but a voice echoed in my mind, “for how long…?”
The unwelcomed memento that ‘age’ gives you is helplessness; however well-to-do you are, age doesn’t spare anyone. Getting old may be fine but getting very old has its consequences and it is here that the role of family comes in. No doubt, Granny is suffering due to her age but she is fortunate to have a family who is taking great care of her, considering she is totally bed-ridden. My mom’s life has been reduced to four walls of her home for almost two years; she is a dutiful daughter-in-law and a silent hero.
But she is also a reason for many to think,” what happens/will happen to those oldies, who don’t have/stand a chance to have a daughter-in-law?
Who’ll take care of them?
The ‘fall’ of life is foreseeable.
Will such people get a hand through the killing ‘winters’ of their life and see the blossoms next season through someone’s eyes…?
I don’t know…Do you?
Thanksgiving is already here and what a perfect time to be nominated for a “Be Thankful Challenge.” Moreover I don’t think it’s a challenge, in fact it’s an opportunity to express my gratitude. Entire credit for this act of timing and thoughtfulness goes to a Parveen and Kevin, again. They think I can do it. Well, Here I go…
– Share this image in your blog post
– Write about 5 people in your life you are thankful for
– Write about 5 things in 2015 that you are thankful for
– Spread the love and challenge 5 other blogs to take part
There are many people who have made my life worthwhile but I am supposed to name five only.
GOD: First and foremost, I am thankful to ALMIGHTY for giving me everything OPTIMUM-neither too much nor too less…just optimum. Family, friends, love, passion, compassion, emotions, happiness, sorrows, beauty, brains, talent, freedom and money…everything just optimum. A little more of some would have made me ARROGANT and with little less of many, I am sure to live like MISERABLE. Thank you GOD, You are kind.
Guides: Throughout life many people help us become whatever we are today. Our parents, who watch our every step since birth, caress, scold and mould us; my parents have done their part really well and I am so thankful, I have them. If you have a supportive family, heaven is right here; I am blessed. And yes I am grateful to my guarding and guiding angel who confided in me and always stayed on my side.
Mr CoolHead: AlpenGlow exists because there is someone who is overdoing things. Before being anything else, he a true friend and caring partner. I am so so proud for having Mr Coolhead. In the beginning he was the first person to read whatever crap I would write and he would appreciate it. He encouraged me to go ahead with AlpenGlow. The faith in his eyes made me shed my inhibitions to some extent and I could write whatever I have, till now.
Believers/Followers: After writing my first post, I waited and waited but no one ever visited. I was about to drop the idea and then this beautiful lady appeared on the screen…her name is Brey; My first follower on AlpenGlow. Thank you Brey, you were GOD sent. She became the torch-bearer leading you all in, gradually and I am thankful to all of you (including my dear friends on Facebook) for being patient with me and letting me stay till now. My expectations are soaring high and I hope you will be there in future too.
Non-Believers/Doubters/Back-stabbers: Earlier I used to be afraid of them and hated them; not now! I have a new outlook. I have realized that actually they are the INSTANT source of inspiration. Thanks buggers, for being a constant NUISANCE; you are making me more CREATIVE.
I am thankful wholeheartedly for following five things which happened in 2015:
Birth of AlpenGlow:
For me AlpenGlow is not just a phenomenon, it’s an IDEA which changed my life for good, for better. It channelized my limitless energy into something constructive. I am a different person; much happier, satisfied, confident and immune to the widespread negativity. I feel like a floating iceberg in an infinite ocean called blogosphere along with many similar and non-similar icebergs approaching and drifting away from time to time. So diverse but deep down all alike, containing masses of human emotions roaring to be unchained, to be released and to be surfaced.
Respect and Recognition at Workplace:
This has been by far the best year at work. I gained whatever could be expected in such a setting. I get opportunities to sit next to the Head of the Institution and kindle the lamps with her to commence any ceremony in the College. In a nutshell, I AM IMPORTANT (Thanks you ma’am), THE CHOSEN ONE and A STY in the eyes of many PEERS 😉. Moreover, my services have been regularized…another achievement of the current year, considering I am residing in a land where only nepotism prevails. I feel great and thankful.
An ideal Preschool for GlowinGal:
Being a part of the education system, I am totally aware of fakesters. “All that glitters is not always GOLD”. Finding a good school was not at all easy. Many whys and hows led to present one which is IDEAL if not BEST.
I have a very lovely and lively family but lately many health issues raised their heads and I was worried like HELL. Suffering occurred, revitalization took time but eventually everything is OKAY if not PERFECT.
My Début in THE TRIBUNE:
It might be a just another line for you to read but it’s one of the things I always wished for. It’s not easy for a layman to get published in more than century old and very reputed newspaper and share space with veterans; it was like a dream come true. Such is the status of The Tribune. And the day I saw my name there, I realized what it feels like to be on cloud nine because I was exactly there 🙂 .
I would like to know more about the following people and see what they are feeling thankful for.
Haha…All ladies!!! I think I forgot it’s also the Women empowerment that I am thankful for in the end.
THANK YOU FOR READING…I think I was JUST. 🙂
Being happy is the ultimate goal of humans if you ask me but nobody knows when and how they are going to be happy. Happiness always seems to be a future thing. We always think, “Once I do this, I will be happy,” and when that thing is accomplished, our goals are set higher; our mark of the happiness measurement has already gone up and we are like, “why aren’t we happy now? This was all I wanted and now I am still not happy!”
I remember a joke on this account.
Once a friend asks another, “You keep sleeping all the day, wake up and study so that you get good marks in exams.”
“What will I do with good marks?”
“You will get a good job!”
“What will I do with the good job?”
“You will earn a lot of money!”
“What will I do with that lot of money?”
“You can live a luxurious and a happy life!”
“What do you think I am doing, right now?”
Well…jokes apart ;). The friend mentioned above was living a luxurious life because of his parents who are paying for it.
What I want to say is that happiness is a ‘state of mind’ and it is in ‘our nature’. If we are happy by nature, we will have a habit of staying happy, no matter how luxurious or ordinary our life is! But if we have a tendency to stay gloomy, no one can gift us happiness.
“Pursuit of happiness” is one of my favourite movies. It is such a fabulous tale of a man who loses everything but hope. He works against all odds and defines happiness at the climax and ‘what a definition’!
In my opinion, happiness is not a superficial thing and I don’t believe that an ever-smiling and laughing person is truly happy. That is just a way to express one ‘could be happy’; not a guarantee of one ‘is happy’!
Happiness to an extent is controlled by some external power. Don’t worry, I am not being paranoid, I am saying the source is outside in the materialistic world but that sometimes turns out to be the reason for our lack of happiness too. There are people who are either blessed to have each luxury in their life or they have acquired it themselves but still are not happy. Why is that? Why can’t we stay happy forever? Sometimes it seems as if we have to remind ourselves to be happy; to feel happy.
I feel happy when I eat nutritious food on a routine basis which is tough cookie for me (to stay on routine). I feel extremely happy if I exercise and burn some calories; If I find myself learning new things; If I read someone; If I remember GOD; If I shop my favourite outfits; If I write something….
There are days when I like to listen to music, I stop in front of mirror and compliment myself. I enjoying cooking special dishes for my family; I love doing house chores. From where does that happiness seep in?
Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I feel so light, so happy 🙂 however I didn’t do anything special for that; I just slept just like every day.
The moral of the story is: The source of happiness is inside us…we are the makers and slayer of our own happiness. Why don’t we make happiness “motto of the moment’ and spread it all around…unconditionally and make it a happy world. Impossible as it may seem but then who said it’s ‘impossible’? Read it I-M-POSSIBLE!:)
Human being is considered as the most beautiful and the most advanced creation of Nature. Moreover, human brain is said to be most superior in the entire animal kingdom and is said to be the reason for its dominance on planet Earth.
At times, I think what is it that makes human so advanced? It eats, sleeps, and breeds; just like any other animal. In between, it works just to make sure that it continues to eat, sleep and breed.
So what makes human, a “Human” and other animals less “Human”.
- Humans form families: So do many other animals.
- Humans form societies and demonstrate division of labour: Obelia, a Sea-fur (meagrely, an animal for a layman), forms colonies where different types of individuals stay together and perform their specific function as decided by Nature and need. Honey bees, ants, termites and wasps etc., all live in societies and exceptional harmony. Not to mention that these societies are headed by a female i.e. queen.
- Expression and analysis: Language is the biggest tool of human kind. But there are plenty other animals who use more efficient ways of communication. They utilize the same energy in other purposeful things. Human is capable of speaking and understanding no doubt, but even after that there are innumerable disagreements between persons, families, states and countries, why? Way better are the honey bees; just imagine they catch the meaning by a dance performance without saying a word. The birds just coo and spread the message of their existence and purpose and guess what? Not a soul ever interferes.
- Take care of young ones: There are animals very low in the hierarchy, caring and protecting their progeny. Sea horse carries eggs in a brood pouch; Mid wife toad on their thighs; Surinam toad clutches young ones in a marsupial pouch on their back and there are many more (Remember it’s the male here, who cares).
Now you see there aren’t many things exclusive to the so called ‘advanced humans’. But one phenomenon which is absolutely missing in human kind is ‘Altruism’- sacrifice of one’s interest to safeguard the well-being of the other member or the society as a whole. It has been witnessed in spotted deer; when attacked by a predator, the Stag with best antlers is surrounded by fellow members of the herd which sacrifice their life just to save it. How selfless! These ‘so called’ less advanced animals can think beyond self; about the survival of the species and there is human, on the other hand, trying to eliminate its own kind in every possible way; Killing mercilessly. It won’t be wrong if I say that human is the most selfish creature on the Earth.
Nature evolved life and ensured that it must continue till eternity. Therefore, it created male and female as the bearer of responsibility.
But see how a boon has become a bane; Man has become a monster. He has forgotten the exact motive of his existence; it was to create and protect and not to exploit and destroy. In a way, the most civilized animal has turned in to a cannibal; consuming its own kind. Man is a bad example of an autoimmune disease; where the difference between self and non-self disappears and there starts a process of self destruction. What else is it?
Open the newspaper any morning; entire pages are flooded with news of murder, rape and harassment. What’s our reaction on that, “Is human becoming animal day by day?” I don’t think even animals exhibit such degradation in their behaviour and if they do, what is logic of being ‘Human’ where the safety of your own kind is at stake just because of you. Competition is acceptable because it helps in evolution but why this deliberate slaying of humanity. Even animals seek acceptance before being selected for reproduction. Have you seen a Pigeon making rounds in front of a female; a Peacock dancing and showcasing its plumage to woo a female so that it is the ‘chosen one’? It’s the Nature’s way. And what if it is not chosen? Does it go and commit suicide or go and kill the female or rape her? Never heard so! Then why the most civilized animal (human) has lost his senses and is behaving like a mindless jerk. Why the meaning of civilization has been limited to mere covering of external genitalia and not the ridiculous thinking. A female cannot afford to breathe fearlessly in this so-called “civilized” world of yours. Be human enough; Have command over your hormones and your mind.
And then… celebrate the freedom… in real sense.