‘I am mature and I am stronger emotionally’, this is what I have been telling myself for years.
How true is this?
I have always been the worst in handling emotions; my tears used to find meagre reasons to spill out. I have been vulnerable; I have been exceptionally weak. Even a slight blow would break my heart into pieces.
Did that affect anybody?
I guess nobody… except me!
So I changed myself or let’s say time changed me.
But have I really overcome those unsung hurricanes arising in the deepest part of me? Have I really become immune to the turbulence that life poses every now and then? Do the mishaps occurring everyday affect me less now?
Most of the time I believe so but why is it that an unfortunate incident or the sorrowful faces involving the loved ones always pull me down to where I started? When there is suffering, I am utterly weak and badly in tears!
However I have gained courage over time to compose myself and get up again to face the truth (however ugly it is) but it does hurt.
So does that mean there’s nothing that can make you woe-proof?
Or is it necessary to become fragile once in a while in order to feel that you are actually ‘alive’ cause no reaction to a situation is definitely, not a ‘sign of life’!
When my mom called to inform about Grandma’s worsening health, I could not help but pack my bags and jump-start a journey home. Although, it’s not happening for the first time; I have done it before, but this time, it seemed intense.
So when I reached home, the very first thing that I wanted to see was the face of the woman, who happened to be my first room-mate in the age of four years when I asked my parents to give me a separate bed; they shifted me to Grandma’s room. More than an elder she became a friend albeit a grumpier one! She loved her all four grandchildren but had a different way with love and I hardly remember any PDA from her side, back then. As we grew teenagers to adults and she, old to older, slowly her affectionate side became evident and she kept getting better and sweeter with age. Yes, she was ageing and today….
“Has the time arrived for her?” I was thinking while moving towards her room. I can’t tell, how badly I want to be with her during her fall of life but wish is wish and for such wish to come true, number of hurdles are already standing tall. All I can do is…be there as often as I can.
This time I was told about her episodes of no talking, wrong recognitions, non-stop sleeping. I was so worried.
As I opened the door, I was kind of taken aback to see the missing bed from her room (It didn’t look like a good sign). I have heard from people that according to Hindu religion, the dying person is kept on ground. However, death is inevitable but my heart refused to accept and I looked to my mom for an answer.
Mom understood and said, “She gets very restless during night. However I am always here but somehow it’s not possible to stay awake all night and a few times, she has fallen off the bed. To avoid injury, we removed the beds and spread mattresses on the floor.”
That looked just. I moved in front of my Granny who was sitting with her head dug almost in her thighs. I tried to be casual, “Hey Oldie! Look who’s here?” I was hoping for an answer and to everyone’s surprise she raised her head and called out my name in a shaky voice! The next words got stuck in my throat when I saw her swollen huge face as if thousands of bees have left their sting there. She could barely open her eyes. I put my arms around her; she appeared so thin and bony.
“You are the first person, she has recognized immediately, in last three days otherwise she behaved very eccentric and talked gibberish. That’s the reason you were called upon without delay,” Mom continued.
I smiled and touched her cheeks, “she is all good!” but a voice echoed in my mind, “for how long…?”
The unwelcomed memento that ‘age’ gives you is helplessness; however well-to-do you are, age doesn’t spare anyone. Getting old may be fine but getting very old has its consequences and it is here that the role of family comes in. No doubt, Granny is suffering due to her age but she is fortunate to have a family who is taking great care of her, considering she is totally bed-ridden. My mom’s life has been reduced to four walls of her home for almost two years; she is a dutiful daughter-in-law and a silent hero.
But she is also a reason for many to think,” what happens/will happen to those oldies, who don’t have/stand a chance to have a daughter-in-law?
Who’ll take care of them?
The ‘fall’ of life is foreseeable.
Will such people get a hand through the killing ‘winters’ of their life and see the blossoms next season through someone’s eyes…?
I don’t know…Do you?
Thanksgiving is already here and what a perfect time to be nominated for a “Be Thankful Challenge.” Moreover I don’t think it’s a challenge, in fact it’s an opportunity to express my gratitude. Entire credit for this act of timing and thoughtfulness goes to a Parveen and Kevin, again. They think I can do it. Well, Here I go…
– Share this image in your blog post
– Write about 5 people in your life you are thankful for
– Write about 5 things in 2015 that you are thankful for
– Spread the love and challenge 5 other blogs to take part
There are many people who have made my life worthwhile but I am supposed to name five only.
GOD: First and foremost, I am thankful to ALMIGHTY for giving me everything OPTIMUM-neither too much nor too less…just optimum. Family, friends, love, passion, compassion, emotions, happiness, sorrows, beauty, brains, talent, freedom and money…everything just optimum. A little more of some would have made me ARROGANT and with little less of many, I am sure to live like MISERABLE. Thank you GOD, You are kind.
Guides: Throughout life many people help us become whatever we are today. Our parents, who watch our every step since birth, caress, scold and mould us; my parents have done their part really well and I am so thankful, I have them. If you have a supportive family, heaven is right here; I am blessed. And yes I am grateful to my guarding and guiding angel who confided in me and always stayed on my side.
Mr CoolHead: AlpenGlow exists because there is someone who is overdoing things. Before being anything else, he a true friend and caring partner. I am so so proud for having Mr Coolhead. In the beginning he was the first person to read whatever crap I would write and he would appreciate it. He encouraged me to go ahead with AlpenGlow. The faith in his eyes made me shed my inhibitions to some extent and I could write whatever I have, till now.
Believers/Followers: After writing my first post, I waited and waited but no one ever visited. I was about to drop the idea and then this beautiful lady appeared on the screen…her name is Brey; My first follower on AlpenGlow. Thank you Brey, you were GOD sent. She became the torch-bearer leading you all in, gradually and I am thankful to all of you (including my dear friends on Facebook) for being patient with me and letting me stay till now. My expectations are soaring high and I hope you will be there in future too.
Non-Believers/Doubters/Back-stabbers: Earlier I used to be afraid of them and hated them; not now! I have a new outlook. I have realized that actually they are the INSTANT source of inspiration. Thanks buggers, for being a constant NUISANCE; you are making me more CREATIVE.
I am thankful wholeheartedly for following five things which happened in 2015:
Birth of AlpenGlow:
For me AlpenGlow is not just a phenomenon, it’s an IDEA which changed my life for good, for better. It channelized my limitless energy into something constructive. I am a different person; much happier, satisfied, confident and immune to the widespread negativity. I feel like a floating iceberg in an infinite ocean called blogosphere along with many similar and non-similar icebergs approaching and drifting away from time to time. So diverse but deep down all alike, containing masses of human emotions roaring to be unchained, to be released and to be surfaced.
Respect and Recognition at Workplace:
This has been by far the best year at work. I gained whatever could be expected in such a setting. I get opportunities to sit next to the Head of the Institution and kindle the lamps with her to commence any ceremony in the College. In a nutshell, I AM IMPORTANT (Thanks you ma’am), THE CHOSEN ONE and A STY in the eyes of many PEERS 😉. Moreover, my services have been regularized…another achievement of the current year, considering I am residing in a land where only nepotism prevails. I feel great and thankful.
An ideal Preschool for GlowinGal:
Being a part of the education system, I am totally aware of fakesters. “All that glitters is not always GOLD”. Finding a good school was not at all easy. Many whys and hows led to present one which is IDEAL if not BEST.
I have a very lovely and lively family but lately many health issues raised their heads and I was worried like HELL. Suffering occurred, revitalization took time but eventually everything is OKAY if not PERFECT.
My Début in THE TRIBUNE:
It might be a just another line for you to read but it’s one of the things I always wished for. It’s not easy for a layman to get published in more than century old and very reputed newspaper and share space with veterans; it was like a dream come true. Such is the status of The Tribune. And the day I saw my name there, I realized what it feels like to be on cloud nine because I was exactly there 🙂 .
I would like to know more about the following people and see what they are feeling thankful for.
Haha…All ladies!!! I think I forgot it’s also the Women empowerment that I am thankful for in the end.
THANK YOU FOR READING…I think I was JUST. 🙂